If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in my kitchen with Barry Castagnola.

__ you know robots and stuff? / I ... I do, yeah. / Well, it says ... it says ... the furthest we ... They seem to have been spending a lot of time to get a robot that doesn't fall over. Have you noticed? / No. What do you mean? / Here, well, there's a lot of this ... about ... uh ... just a robot that can run about ... and then you can't knock it over. / What ... what do you mean, a robot that runs about ... you can't knock it out ... Mate, one thing, ... You're no Rory Cellan-Jones. You'll never get ... you're never going to be the science correspondent / お前、そんなことじゃ、サイエンス・レポーターは一生無理だぞ / "You know robots and stuff ?" ? / I was watching, like ... / __ __ __ __ __ that / "You know robots and stuff?" / I was watching, like, a robot programme or something. I don't know what it was. / Robot Wars? / No. ... It wasn't Robot Wars. It was a cer(tain) ... no, not Robot Wars / but / see / never / Gadget Man? / see what's the whole point of Robot Wars ... just so you can knock them over / that's it, innit? ... Indestructable robots. / ロボットについての番組を見たんだ。何の番組だったかな ... いや、ロボットウォーズじゃないよ。あれは単に相手をひっくり返すだけの話だろ。 （二足歩行とかそういう高級な話は関係ない）/ Yeah. / They can't do anything / I know, but / It's, like, gladitorial, isn't it? It's, like, geeks' gladiators. / But it says here ... look, this ... uh ... / This 5 foot 9 inch machine / Right? / next generation ... / Right? / ... of the robot / That's the same height as me / has impressive balance. It walks easily on two legs, can even adjust its gait to trudge through snow without slipping up / ... If you look at robot stuff online ... Go online and put in "robots", right? / Right. / ... if it's safe and legal to do so. Put in "robots". ... __ most of the people's time / spends ... tends to be them walking over, like, rocky surfaces and different surfaces and somebody trying to knock them over, and that's what it seriously seems to be all about ... seems to be ... you know, that's the headline / here / A Robot That Wobbles But Won't Fall Down / I mean, Weebles were doing that in the 80's, weren't they? / (Weebles Wobble but They Don't Fall Down.) / Yeah, they were, they were. But ... um ... it is quite impressive to be able to get a robot to walk, though, isn't it? / Well, don't get me wrong, I couldn't get a robot to walk. / You know __ __ __ / How far would you ... would you get, do you reckon, if you, like, ... if I said now, "Right. Stop the show", / Yeah, / which I'm tempted to do, / ... right? / and I said, "Right. Have a go at making a robot now. ... And I'd give you ... I'd give you a week. / Uh, I was gonna say ... __ 'cause otherwise / uh, no, hang on. You would get on the interent and have a look / Yeah, of course. / you're not allowed to use the internet ... or anything else / It's not the A-Team. I couldn't just do it here. _ __ __ __ I couldn't do it using your toaster and microwave. / Huh. That's what I'm looking for. What could you __ ... what could you __ do you reckon? / I'm useless at anything practical. I couldn't ... I mean, I would ... I mean ... / What would you get? / I could make something look a little bit like a robot, I reckon. / Where would you ... where would you start? / Uh ... I would probably get ... probably get, like, a speaker for a head ... and then ... and then ... um ... / You're just looking around the room. / Of course, yeah. __ __ we need ... you need ... I need ... I need my source materials, don't I? / Yeah. / Am I (allowed) ... / I wouldn't have a __ ... I wouldn't have a speaker for a head. I'd have a ... saucepan, an upturned saucepan for a head. / Oh yeah, Old Skool, (old-fashoned, retro) Old Skool. ... I ... __ __ __ / hang on a minute. There's a colander there. You're not gonna use that? / __ I probably would. That'd be a ... that'd be a ... / hat / __ __ __ right into your nose / __ It wouldn't be a very good hat. It wouldn't keep the rain off, would it? / It would have to be a summer hat, that. / Ha ha, summer hat ... for festivals? ... That's what the robot would wear to festivals / What else could you use? / I'd probably use ... I'd probably use some kitchen appliances / You can play along this at home. Have a look around your kitchen __ __ __ if I had to make a robot now, ... If it's the end of the world and somebody said, "You've got to start making a robot / __ ... If it was the end of the world, I ... I probably wouldn't make a robot. ... If it's the end of the world ... / Why not? You might as well / ほかに何をすることがある？ 残された時間をロボット作りにいそしむのもいいじゃないか / __ what am I gonna do now? ... I've got ... I've got the ... you've got one hour to live, would you go, "Uh, I know / What would you do / what would you do then instead of making a robot? / I wouldn't ... I wouldn't like to say it on ... on air. / Yeah, right. But then what about ... / __ __ __ / ... What about the rest of the time? ... / What about the other 58 minutes? / あと１時間しか生きられないとわかったら、何をする？/ 生放送ではとても言えない / うんうん。わかるよ。でも残りの時間はどうするんだ？ おまえが人生の最後にやりたいことは、2 分で済むだろう？ 残りの 58 分はどうするんだ？

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qq0OQBdIhsc

They're bringing it back, aren't they? ... __ Robot Wars. / I am ... I don't know. I've only ever watched it once. / __ It wasn't really my thing. I'll be honest. / You should give it another shot. They are bringing it back / I will do. Since they are going to all that trouble. / ... Wasn't your thing? Why not? / __ just __ ... / What's not to like about robots having a go at each other / I'm just not that interested in ... uh ... in, sort of, __ home-made __ you know, things made from appliances / I know we were going to give it a go ourselves / It's our sole feature so far, mate. ... You don't poo-poo it now. / Oh, I've changed my mind. I love them. / Um ... how far have you got at home, so far, building your home-made robots? / リスナーの皆さん、手作りロボットの製作は進んでますか？ / ... I reckon, honestly, I'm so bad at DIY. I'm so hopleless at stuff. I reckon, if I was going to have a go at it, mine would be like ... uh ... an upside-downed saucepan on the head. It'd be, like, two kitchen roll inner tubes for arms ... / you wouldn't get __ __ __ __ / uh, like, a rubber glove ... like, elastic band __ __ rubber-banded __ lollipop sticks for hands. ... That kind of stuff I __ __ ... / See, I'd go for ... um ... / ... wouldn't be really robot, really. / I'd go for __ rubber glove, sort of, under the belly __ __ like a ... like a ... / yeah / __ udders __ __ __ / robot cow / ... Why? / Just 'cause you've got ... you've got rubber gloves, so you might as well use them. I'd give robbot udders / part __ robot cow / You might as well use them for hands. / なぜ乳だ？手を作りたまえ。 / ... Yes, that's a fair point__ / __ __ What am I going to do with these hand-shaped things, trying to make something that looks like a human? ... Oh, I know. I'll give it udders and see if nobody notices. ... / さて、人間に似たものを作るにあたって、これら手の形をした物体を何に使おうかな ... そうだ、膨らまして乳牛みたいな乳を作ってくっつけよう。誰も気づかないといいけど。 / Hi Rhod and Barry, you should talk about Rhod's Work Experience as a paranormal investigator. Rosy was brilliant. I think Rosy and Rhod should have a show called "Welsh Man And His Dog" Uh ... "Love from Ella Dent in ... uh ... Cardiff. / I'll tell you what. Our phone's going off crazy, aren't they? Maybe we should turn them off. / __ __ __ not ours / Huh? / Yours. / Huh, yeah, mine, all right. ... No, yours just went, "Buzzzzz" / mine just went "Bring". / I'll turn it off in a second. Um ... uh ... my Work Experience ... yes, __ it's on iPlayer at the moment __ ... the ... uh ... I was a paranormal investigator, Barry. / ... Hang on __ / I was ghost-hunting. / Scary? / I was ... well, I can't say the phrase I was gonna say. / それがさ、キＸＸＸが縮み上がるほど (I was shit scared) ... いや、生放送では言えない /... They ... they put me down these caves underneath Bristol Dock (実は自殺の名所) ... / Right. / ... on my own ... supposed to be really haunted down there, pitch-dark, total silence, left me on my own down there with just these devices to pick up ghost things. / On your own or with a camera team? / On ... No, on my own. / Really? / I just had a night-vision camera. / Oh, my. / Yeah. / All night? / Not all night. / All right. / For ... for ... for quite a long time. / And was it scary? / I was terrified. / Really? / Absolutely terrified. / Did you hear anything or see anything? ... I'm gonna watch it and find out. / The only ... the ... / Don't spoil anything. / oh. / go on / I can't ... / I won't __ answer, then. / go on __. I'll still watch it. / ここで話がわかっちゃっても、番組はちゃんと見るから。 / There's ... there's moments ... There are moments / (there is から there are に、ここでは言い直しているが、there is + 複数形というパターンは、文法的には誤りではあるが、普通に使われ、ネイティブブリティッシュイングリッシュスピーカーがきいても違和感はないらしい) / ... where ... 'cause they use these knock-off torches (人が通って細い糸に触れると光る電灯) ... __ torches on hair-trigger / I was thinking / yeah / just ... if you just ... you know, ... __ put them on a dodg_y floorboard__ somebody stands __ I was banging all around them __ __ put __ on / just / I have to say, they came on a lot ... / Really? / ... when I asked them to. ... "__ __ the torch __ now __ __ / __ __ Is somebody there? If you can use your ... use your energy. Tap that torch. Do that torch. Come on, ghost, do us a favor, tap that torch. ... Bang ! On it comes. / I suppose you were quite polite ... / __ then you go, "OK" ... exactly, "OK" ... / turn it off now. Turn it off now." ... Off it goes. / で、幽霊に消してくれって言うと、消してくれるんだ / ... You are there for another hour. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. / then you go, / Can you turn the torch on? / bang ! On you go. ... That happened a few times, mate. You're in ... you are ... Regar(dless) ... / I still / I still / a total skeptic, still don't believe, still totally __ __, but it does put the willies up you. Let me tell you that. ... / I ... I bet __ ... / Let me tell you that. Have ... have a look at it on iPlayer. It's Paranormal Investigator. It's still up there. / Years ago, my ... uh ... my brother was ... was ... uh ... who lives in America, was over, visiting with his ... uh ... with his wife, / I'm scared already. / ... and she's from, uh, she's from K__y / I am scared already. I'm not going to listen to this story / and they went to Hampton Court / Oh god. / because I live near Hampton Court / It gets worse. / and they went down to Hampton Court, ... and that day, they had film crews down there ... / Yeah, / ... because they ... uh ... there was a bit of CCTV footage that apparently had a ghost, and it was national news at ... at that time, ... and someone pointed out and realized that the ghost was wearing trainers. / ... What's wrong with a ghost wearing trainers? / Well, it's supposed to be, like, uh, you know, like, from ... for 17th century's ghost. ... Or 16th. ... 17th? ... Yeah, 16th. / Yeah, but, maybe ... maybe the ghost aquired some trainers later on ... 'cause they've been around ever since, haven't they? So, they ... they've been there since those times, but they ... / So, you reckon the __ ghost, right? ... from Henry the Eighth's time / Yeah, / __ __, like, hundreds of years later, gone, "I'll tell you what. I'm ... I'm fed up with wearing these, um, curly shoes __ __ ... / Exactly. / ... __ days / Exactly. / __ __ a ... __ issued a pair of trainers, I thought, "I'll have them / and they've nicked them off another ghost / all right / Do you ... you, as a human being / The hands __ go straight through them / ... you, as a person / can / are you wearing the same clothes as in the70's? / No. / Right. So, you've moved with fashion / you / bought new shoes, you __ aquired new clothes / Do you reckon __ ghost's have got wardrobes? / I'm telling you, if I was a ghost that had been around for a few hundred years / spirit shops / then I would change my shoes as well. / __ There's like a ... __ like __ Topman or Burton's or whatever, ... for ... for ... for ghosts? / I don't know how they aquire them. I don't know if there are shops particularly, but, like, in Hampton Court, every now and again ... You know / how / see a shoe by the side of the train line / I / get there. / それらの靴はどこから来たというんだ？ え？ （きっと幽霊が置いていったんだ）/ ... Right? ... __ __ do that, can__ you / if you were a ghost / a few hundred years, you can easily aquire a pair of trainers over the years. / What? ... I don't know if I could, because ... __ ... / Well, just go down there ... Do you know the Great Western line from here to Bristol / I guarantee you'll have a pair of trainers by the time you get home. / Do you reckon they have ... / you just get off and stop by __ __ __ __ side of the train tracks. / Yeah, but how __ ghosts ... / that would be __ __ / no, how's ... __ __ easily, yeah, but __ __ how ... how the ... inspector __ __ __ ... how__ ... how ... __ __ __ straight through the turnstiles, / どうやって改札を抜けるんだ？/ 幽霊だぞ。気づかれずにスっと抜けられる。 / ターンスタイルをすり抜けるようなやつが、どうやって靴を掴めるんだ？ / how is a ghost going to pick up a pair of trainers __ __ ... with that in mind. If they can __ straight through the turnstiles__ ... how are they going to put on a pair of trainers? / what do you mean "How do __ ghosts / what do you mean by that? / Right. So, a phisical pair of trainers, if a ghost comes along / as he is going to pick them up, his hand goes straight through them. / 靴を掴もうとしたって、スっとすり抜けてしまうはずじゃないか / ... I've seen it in __ film__ / __ __ how come ghost__ __ carry their own head, then? / だったら、幽霊はなぜ自分の頭を落とさずに歩けるんだ？ / 'Cause ... 'cause it's __ ghost head. / 幽霊の頭だからだよ！ / ... It's not __ physical / if you ... if you're trying to say / there's ... like ... um ... / so, if you __ chop __ head off / put __ watermelon under their arms, / it would drop it? / Of course it would / hold it in the first place __ __. ... If it was / if it w__ a ghost watermelon, / All right / __ __ fine. / それが西瓜の幽霊だってんなら、話は別だけど / so / all you're saying / then / trainers __ __ __ __ ghost trainers / yeah / ghost trainers, I suppose / so / what could have happened is / first of all / believe / ghost__ / OK. Here's __ s__o / Go on. / OK, yeah / what was ... what was the rest of his attire like? What was the rest of attire / it was "she" / um ... yeah, pretty ... pretty __ / What? So, she, sort of, __ like Marie Antoinette __ pair of trainers? / Yeah, ... more ... more A__. / More A__? Yeah, all right. __ __ __ __ / Yeah. / what have you / Yeah. / and a pair of trainers / and then / pair of trainers __ __ bottom / で、靴だけがスニーカーだったのか / Yeah. / All right. But it's ... it's conceivable, isn't it? ... that ... that ... she'd been there, all those years, __ing in the c__ ... / Huh huh, / ... and then ... let's say, in the 17th, / Yeah, / Right? / wearing __ __ or something / a pair of __ or somebody dies, so now / __ __ __ / yeah __ __ __ __ __ now __ __ and ... __ pair __ __ and __ __ let's face it __ put __ __ __ __ pointy shoes ... right? / But who's given up their ... their g__ __ / maybe she got ... / in the spirit world? / yeah / get __ __ / she __ have swapped them. / __ might __ __ charity shop__ / __ another ghost __ __ __ pair of winklepickers / __ __ __ / __ __ __ __ __ __ pair of __ __ __ __ __ shoes __ __ bottom __ __ just swapped. ... They could have swapped, she could have mugged from somebody. People __ __ mug their trainers. Maybe they do __ in the ghost world, too. Simple. / Yeah.

You know what I hate ... when you ... when you ... / What do you hate? / ... when you try on a pair of sunglasses and they ... and they have, like, either a security tag or a price tag in the middle ... you know ... how do I know if I look good in these sunglasses / That is annoying, yeah. / when I've got this dangling over my nose? / ... You have to imagine, I suppose. / It's difficult. / It is difficult. / Yeah. I mean, if I ... if I had ... / __ (could see) __ in the dark. / If I had Photoshop on my phone or something, then what I would do is take a quick snap / Huh, yeah, that's a good idea. / yeah, and then I'd ... uh ... I'd probably go off __ ... / send them off __ somewhere __ get them Photoshopped out / if I had it on my phone, I would do it myself / Oh / just, sort of, / get rid of it / カメラにフォトショップが付いてれば、それを使って画像上でメガネのタグを消す / Yeah, yeah. ... You haven't got it on your phone / Nuh, I haven't / You can't, then. ... Maybe just keep it on there so at least __ (you can) __ take it off __ (for the security check) __, don't they? ... __ __ always / I like / on / like that. So, keep it on.

Jazzie B, and Back 2 ... uh ... Life. ... now then (Uh) ... and, as I ... uh ... as that song fades out, Barry, you just said to me, "Could I mention something about Soul II Soul?_", __ I went, "Certainly, Barry." So, what would you like to mention? / __ __ I wante to mention that he ... uh ... / You're on air / he's very charismatic / He's hilarious / he hasn't really aged that much, considering __ __ __ __ back in 88 __ 89, when they first came out, but what I really liked was his chat in between the songs ... / Yeah, / ... just seemed authentic and seemed ... he seemed genuinely engaging, whereas, __ the amount of times you go and see a gig, where they have nothing. Do you know what I mean? You watch __ gig __ you go to Glastonbury or something and the artist is just in between / how is everyone doing? / and ... and ... Do you know what I mean? That's it / It's like a standard / 決まり文句だ。「ヘーイ、みんな、ノってるかい?」 。それっきり。/ I know ... I know what you mean / we __ ... myself and ... uh ... (Mackerchen), who you know as well, / I know M__, comedian, yeah. / Um, we ... um ... uh ... we __ when we were at Glastonbury / or / one of those festivals, we ... uh ... / we like to answer the people literally __ it really annoys people __ __ / What? The call and response? / __ ... / yeah. So / so / watching, (The) Flaming Lips or something, and __ __ __ / How are you guys doing out there? Are you OK? / not bad, thanks / Earlier on, I was a bit tired / but it's later on / ヘーイ！　調子はどうだい？/ さっきはちょっと疲れてたけど、今はもう時間が経ったから、よくなったよ / now / It really annoys people / if I was standing next to you, how long can that last? / __ __ __ The one that really cracked me up __ last __ / and had me institches / __ __ __ we went to see, uh, Lionel Richie, and ... um ... uh, Lionel Richie __ __ asked everyone __ __ to sing along, and everyone / sang along / Lionel Richie went, "Man, you guys were singing so loud I couldn't even hear myself think" And I shouted, "You told us, dude." And then M__ __ went really loudly, "You didn't specify a volume." / ... People get so wound up. / Oh my god, that would / that / it's amusing. Don't get me wrong, but / I'm putting myself in the position, if I would, where I would be standing next to you in a gig, I'd be going bonkers / Oh, people hate it.

Here's a good one. Look at this. / Huh huh, / We were talking about lies a few weeks ago, right? / Yeah / Hi Rhod, I have a biggest lie story. We held a lying competition in our ... / This is from, uh, Cympark Legion / Yeah, / That's what ... they are ... you know, __ __ ... __ sort of ... um ... what would you call them? How would you describe __? / __ working men's club / like a working men's club / Social club. / Subsidized drink. / Subsidized drink club. / Membership. / Membership. ... Uh ... / We held a lying competition in our club a few years ago. It was ... / This was a competition. / Huh. / ... Who Could Tell The Biggest Lie? / OK. / OK. / The final ... / Presumably you have to get away with it __ you have to have people believe you or something / I don't know. / Right. / Doesn't say. / OK. / but / the biggest lie competition. / ... Probably a charity thing, you know. ... / The final is between Tony the Truth versus Brian the Bible. / ... Right. / Tony said ... / Huh huh, / "I swam up Niagara Falls once." ... to which Brian replied, "I know. I saw you." / 大嘘つき大会。決勝戦は、正直者トニーと聖者ブライアンの一騎打ち。 / 俺はナイアガラの滝を泳いで上ったことがあるよ。/ 知ってるよ。見てたから。/ That's brilliant. I love that. / That is good. That feels like the kind of thing that's probably been around forever, doesn't it? / これは悠久の時を経て受け継がれてきたジョークって感じだ。 / That is the kind of thing your grandfather was told by his grandfather ... and his grandmother before. ... That's the kind of little anecdote. Wonderful. / My ... um ... my grandad ... / __ __ __ any more, do they, eh? / My grandad / My great grandad ... uh, used to ... used to tell us when we used to go and visit him ... um ... uh ... / he used to tell us that he had a ... he had a lion under the stairs, and that used to really scare my brother and I (文法的には me になるべきところだが、ネイティブブリティッシュにとってもこれで違和感はないとのこと) / and then I'm sure I told you before __ __ actual grandad (愛称としての「おじいさん」ではなく、血のつながりのある実の祖父 ) ... for years, uh, convinced me that he had a ... a pet chameleon ... um ... that ... that ... / ... How come you couldn't see it, wherever it was? / that died ... he said it died from a heart attack 'cause he put him on a ... on a tartan rug. / ペットにカメレオンを飼っているんだ。/ / 実際に見たことはなかったのか？ 擬態をするから見えないってか？ /タータン・チェックの上にのせたらショック死したそうだ。 / __ __ __ ... I believed it for years.

Lies, / Yeah, / This is from Alan, uh, aged 35 and three quarters. / Rhod, / Uh ... / My grandad used to tell me that, during his time in the army he was a hand grenade tester. / ... Now, this refers to (what) ... you said earlier and people may have missed it because the music for the news was coming up, / Huh huh. / ... and you said that your grandad told you ... go on, / He ... he told ... I believed it for years ... I believed it for years that he had a ... a pet chameleon that died of a heart attack because he put it on a tartan rug. ... Um ... yeah. He used to ... my grandad used to wind me up __ __ ... / What would happen if you put a chameleon on a tartan rug? / They ... they ... well, ... __ __ / Would it just adopt the main color in the tartan __ red or green __ __ presumably it wouldn't go tartan. / それでホントに体表がタータンチェックになるわけじゃなかろう / I don't know. That would be great if it did. / It'd be amazing if it went tartan. / Yeah. / Proper tartan. / Yeah, yeah yeah. / Exactly matching the thing behind it. / You know, I mean, if you were ... if you were under threat in Scotland, and if you were a chameleon, that's what you would do, isn't it? / ... That is what __'d do / You wouldn't do it for the fun of it. / スコットランドに棲んでいるカメレオンは、身を守るために体表をタータンチェックにせざるを得ないだろう。擬態は道楽じゃない。生存がかかっているんだ。 / he also ... My grandad also ... he used to wind us up mercilessly, and he ... um ... he sold me a seagull on Bude Beach in Cornwall for 50 p. / Oh yeah, I remember you told me that. / Yeah yeah, yeah, abs(olutely) / Have you still got it? / I never got it, did I? __ __ It was just one flying, obviously, / I was just going with the idea / 50 ... 50p. / 50p. ... Did you pay him? / 飛んでいるかもめを 50p で売ってくれると言うんだ。/ 払った？ / 払った。/ まだ持ってる？ / かもめを？ 持ってないよ。向こうは飛んでるから、持てたためしがない。 / わかってるよ。話に乗ってみただけだ。 / Yeah, of course. ... I got an advance on my pocket money. / 払ったさ。お小遣いを前借りしてまで。/ I am surprised / if he was more canny, he would just have rented it to you. ... Then he could charge you again. / come back next week __ __ __ ... extortion / お前のじいさんがそこでやめたってのが、逆に驚きだ。もう少し知恵を働かせれば、かもめを売るんじゃなくてレンタルしたろう。そうすればもっと儲かったのに / A racket. Seagull racket. / かもめ詐欺 / Anyway, he __, / My grandad used to tell me during his time in the army, he was a hand grenade tester. He said his job was to take one from a box, pull the pin and throw it in a hole. If it exploded, / he would mark the rest to say they were good to use. ... I was not able to witness this, mostly down to the fact that I was not born, but, looking back ... / uh ... / ... now, I do feel he may have elaborated those in order to impress me during my younger years. ... Enjoying the show. / Um ... / That's a good feature, isn't it? / __ __ a good feature, though, innit? / where / grand-parents / like, stories that / grand parents / utter lies they gave you / um ... the ... Talking of stories and lies, / Yeah, / ... right? Last week ... last week ... uh ... / Huh huh, / somebody sent in a story from a Brisbane newspaper, ... uh ... and it did sound very far-fetched, I have to say, but it was a story about a ... a couple ... / Huh huh, / ... who had driven down to their local supermarket, and ... uh ... shopping centre, / Yeah, / ... and they got out of their car, the car had broken down, / Huh huh, / ... in the car park. So, the chap had said to his ... uh ... wife ... partner, "You go in and start the shopping and I'll ... uh ... see if I can fix the car." / Yeah. / Right? ... Wife comes out, uh, with the shopping, some time later, and she sees a pair of legs sticking out from under the car, assumes it was her husband, but realizes that ... uh ... there was a crowd around laughing at him 'cause he hasn't got any pants on and his ... uh ... his ... what should be remaining private parts are looking a bit too public. ... / Right. / So, she leans down under the car, tucks them back in, ... right? ... and then stands up and finds her husband alongside. ... And apparently it was an RAC man, and he ended up with three stitches in his head. / So, what happened to him? / Right. No.8. ... That's the story I read. / Right. OK. / Dear Rhod, ... / ... This is from Jonathan in Ashby de la Zouch. / Great place. / Uh ... it is a great place. Good gig there ... uh ... run by a very nice chap called Spiky Michael. It used to be. ... Um ... I don't know if it still is. But it's a ... fantastic gig. ... It's one of the ones I do in my warm-up tour. Don't ask me about a tour. Don't know. Not sure. ... Anyway, uh ... not you, listeners. People keep going to me, "When are you going on tour?" I don't know yet, right? / When I feel like it. One day. Who knows? / Dear Rhod, can't believe you got caught out by the Brisbane car park breakdown story, / Huh. / ... Brisbane/car park/breakdown story. / ロッド、あんたがあの駐車場ジョークで他愛もなく喜んでいるのが信じられない。 / I first heard it at school, and I'm in my 60's now. ... / その話は私が小学生のときに聞いた。ちなみに私は今60代だ。 / ... In fact, the version I heard was translated from the Latin and referred to a centurion under a chariot. / つーか、その話はもともとラテン語から翻訳されたものだ。ラテン語版では百人隊長がチャリオットの下にもぐっていたという設定になっている。 / Later, Jonathan in Ashby de la Zouch. P.S., love the podcast. / OK. Fair enough. ... Quite possibly ... / Yeah, / ... quite possibly I got hooked by, uh, one of those things ... / たしかに、うまいことのせられたかもしれん / I'm not even sure __ they have the RAC in Australia. / オーストラリアに RAC があるのかよ / ... That's true. I thought you were gonna say "in Roman times", but I know you are right. / ローマ時代に RAC があったのかな、と言うのかと思いきや / __ I __ know / it did say __ __ Australian version / you know, I was bringing it to ... uh ... bring __ __ more to life for the British audience there / イギリスのリスナーのためにイギリス版を作ってやろうか / ... although I don't know why I am bothering because most of our listeners do seem to be in Singapore or up ... up hills in China. Uh ... anyway, good to have you, wherever you are.

Uh, now then, there's a picture here, Barry / Yeah, / uh, of a ... uh ... a light-hearted gamble through the newspapers / Yeah, / um __ see a ... in The Daily Mirror __ Saturday __ there's a good picture, everyone, there's a good picture of a ... a ... of a ... a gorilla / Huh huh, / yeah, gorilla ... picking his nose. / ... Huh. / They've got one shot of him picking his nose / he's got a finger right up his nose / right? / Huh huh. / and the next one, he's looking at it / got / next one, ... guess what he's doing. / Eating it? / Yeah. / Yeah. / Isn't that funny? / Is it, though? / It's amazing. Yeah, I think so, yeah. / Wha ... why? / He had a good-old-dig-up-his-nose ... / This is ... this is the report / Right. / __ __ / this is __ a good old dig-up-his-nose, / lazy journalism. / It says __ __ good dig / up / just to ... uh ... clarify. ... / And he inspected his rich picking before popping it in his mouth. ... uh ... Then he grimaced. / Well, you would, wouldn't you? / ... Yeah. __ __ __ gorilla. Surely he has eaten worse things than a bit of ... Anyway, / 鼻くそを食べたら、呻いた、って。そりゃそうだろう / そうかな。ゴリラだぞ。鼻くそよりひどい物だって食ったことがあろうに。 / Yeah. / uh ... / While ... uh ... while I was watching, I was thinking about Darwin's theory. It's difficult to imagine some people believe we're not related to these animals. / Um ... well ... / We are, because there was a ... um ... I'll tell you what. There was a story __ ... / Huh, you think we are, now? / We're definitely related. ... Um ... It's been scientifically proven. I mean, I'm no zoologist, but ... they ... um ... uh ... / 我々とゴリラは、明らかにつながってるよ。これは科学的に証明されていることなんだ。オレは動物学者を気取るわけじゃないが、こんなニュースがあった： / There was a story ... uh ... in the news this week, actually, about, uh, Bristol Zoo ... you might have seen this ... with a ... with a gorilla that was born ... / I didn't see it. / OK. There was a story in the news this week / About a gorilla? / About a gorilla, um ... / Where? / Uh ... Bristol Zoo. / Oh yeah. / Huh huh. And ... the ... uh ... the baby ... There were complications with the pregnancy, / Huh, / ... and the ... uh ... the ... the little baby gorilla was born via Caesarean section by a ... a ... a pediatric surgeon, like, um ... / Is that a first? / (first in the world) / ゴリラの帝王切開か。世界初か？ / Uh, well, they thought it was, / 最初、これは世界初だ！と思ったんだって。 / and they said __ they weren't 100% sure if it was the first / けど 100% 確信できなかった / you would have recorded that, surely / Someone at Bristol Zoo would have gone, "No, it's happened before." / 世界初でないとしたら、記録があってしかるべきだし、ブリストル動物園の誰かが、「前例があるよ」って言い出すはずだ / yeah, but / __ __ __ __ __ for a long long time. / Yeah, but it could have happened in China or something, couldn't it? / ブリストル動物園では前例がなくても、中国であるかもしれないじゃないか / Oh yeah. They ... they think it's, uh, it's very very very rare, anyway. Uh, but the ... um ... the surgeon said ... eh ... / Was it ... um ... a voluntary Caesarean section? / Was it a voluntary ... ? / ゴリラの同意を得ての話だろうな？ / Yeah. ... What do you call it? ... You know. ... Elected? / Yeah, yeah, she elected for it, yeah. / Chose it? / Yeah yeah. She ... / I don't fancy this childbirth lark (messing around) / あたし、出産で苦しみたくないから / uh ... yeah, / __ ... um ... yeah, she ... she did, and, uh ... __ __ ... also, __ that way ... / How's mother and ... how's mother and baby? / Both ... both doing well, both doing well, yeah, yeah. But the ... uh ... but the ... uh ... the surgeon said that he'd, uh, he'd performed, you know, thousands and thousands of ... of Caesarean sections over the years, / Yeah, / but it was the first time, obviously, he'd ever done it for gorilla, / Yeah, / he said, "It's very much the same, ... same, apart from that the baby that came out was very hairy." / The mother was identical? / That's what he said. / So, "Is it ... / Mother was indistinguishable, didn't he realize he was doing __ gorilla one? / 限りない数の帝王切開をこなしてきたが、ゴリラにしたのは今回が初めてだ。しかし人間と大して変わらない。生まれてくる子供が毛むくじゃらな以外は。 / 母親のほうは人間もゴリラもまったく変わらないというわけか。毛むくじゃらの子供が出てくるまで、ゴリラだと気付かなかったんだな。/ Your mother ... uh ... your m ... your ... This brings __ ... al ... always ... whenever we talk about monkeys, / Yeah, / or chimps, or gorillas, or any ... we always have to mention your mother ... give your mother an honorable mention in a monkey chat. / Yeah. / Hmm. How is she? / She's fine, she's fine, actually, yeah. / Listners will remember that Barry's, uh, mom and her partner ... Ian? / Ian. That's right. / ... are ... are ... "obsessed" ... is not too strong a word __ __ / No, absolutely not, no. / How many cuddly monkeys have they got? / Uh ... close to a hundred. / Close to a hundred cuddly monkeys. / Yeah. / And they go to Monkey World ... every weekend? Every other weekend? / Every other weekend. / And they take some of the cuddly monkeys with them in the car ... to ... / Four. / Four? / Normally. / Four of their favorites. / Yeah, but only ... uh ... only one / just to re-cap, ladies and gentlemen. I'm not gonna go back all over again. / only one to the Tank Museum, and they do that on the off weeks / Oh yeah. / just Albert, their favorite one. But they __ ... __, she told me that she went to Monkey World a couple of weeks ago as is her want (as she wanted to) / Oh, is this a new Monkey World story? / Uh, yeah, sort of. Um ... / I've got to rub my hands. / She ... / I've got to rub my hands. I do enjoy your mom's monkey story. So, she goes every couple of weeks to Monkey World. / Yeah. / Do they update it a lot then at Monkey World, or ... / No no no, no. But they're quite happy with it. You know, it's the same things __ yeah __ you get that with couples / they go to the same place / same place on holiday every year __ they __ __ __ go every week ... __ ... It's a Monkey World. ... Um ... and ... um ... she said she was sat ... they were in a car park, having a sandwich __, ... 'cause ... I ... I suppose they were worried to eat the sandwiches inside / Oh yeah / because (they) are going to attract something, aren't they? / Yeah ... monkey. / ... So, um ... she sat there, and ... um ... and she said ... suddenly ... "I thought I heard a siren, like, __ __ __ Wooo, woo, woo / What? Is this, like, in the car park of Monkey World? / Yeah. And she__s like __ looking around, eating her sandwiches, looking around, going, "What was going on?" / thinking it might be a fire engine and having a big discussion ... um ... turned out it was only ... / Howler monkey? / ... turned out to be only a gibbon. / No way. / Yeah, they genuinely thought it was a siren. / I was going to say howler monkey or something / __ No, it wasn't. It was gibbon. / I didn't know gibbons could ... uh ... / I knew howler monkeys could ... uh ... do that. / Yeah. Well, she ... well, she says she thinks she is a monkey expert / she __ saying / gibbon / how ... __ ... how ... What did it sound like then? / Like a siren, obviously. / Neeh-Nah ... oh __ __ / It wasn't like __ 70's siren.

Apparently, if you do a to-do list, you won't get anything done. / It says here / Really? / Yeah. ... I don't believe that either. / That's ridiculous. / It says, / Making a to-do list ... / This is in a newspaper. / Right. / Huh? ... / Making a to-do list is one of the worst ways of making sure things get done. / an expert claims. / Who's an expert in to-do lists? / What kind of experts? / 専門家によれば、用事が沢山あるときに「やることリスト」を作るのは、一番用事が片付かない方法なんだそうだ。... 何の専門家だ？ / I quite like it, to-do list. / I do. Uh ... uh ... and I ... / Occasionally. / but I ... / __ you can get too much of them, I think. / mine are too big, / Huh. / and I ... / One can be off-putting then you've got to watch how much you put on them. / I had / I had a to-do list once ... uh ... / there ... there was so ... there was so much on it ... uh ... but ... uh ... the very first thing on it was "See other list." ... just so I'd like ... just ... like ... yeah, / 「やることリスト」を一枚の紙で書こうと思うと、多くなりすぎて、見ると途方に暮れるだろ。だから二枚に分けたんだ。そして一枚目の先頭に「もう一枚のリストを見よ」と書いたんだ。 / a few different lists of ... uh ... _, if / apparently if you put too much on the list / Sounds like you had a lot to do about / I did / apparently / if you __ __ too much on the list, __ that's bad. / Oh, that's bad / because you get overwhelmed / "Overwhelm", "Done", which was why you did the list in the first place, which is, to try and stop you feeling overwhelmed. That's the whole point of a to-do list, innit? / I ... I bought a book __ sometimes __ I can't __ __ I'm not very organized sometimes, and I ... I bought a book __ I was at the airport __ just ... um ... / You're very organized, aren't you? / ... just a year and a half ago / Nuh, I'm not, really. And ... and ... and I ... and I had a ... um ... uh ... I was looking through ... I was gonna get a novel because I was going away to France for a few days, / Huh. / ... and ... uh ... I then saw a book / it was called ... um ... Get Things Done ... um ... / Oh / and I thought, "I'll have that." / __ __ __ __ for holiday / why did you get that if you were going away for a holiday / I thought I would read it at some stage ... genuinely read 30 pages __ __ / That's it. I never finished the book. __ / That's not even a joke. / Get Things Done. ... Honestly / I still ... I've got the book sitting in there. Every time I pass it I get angry at myself, __ ... / You've gotta finish Get Things Done / I know. I know. It's disgusting. / 「やることリスト」を作ると、やることが多すぎて途方に暮れたりするだろ / はい。「途方に暮れる」済み。だから「やることリスト」の先頭には「途方に暮れる」と書くんだ。... そもそも「やることリスト」を作るのは、途方に暮れないようにするためなんだが ... / 「用事を済ませるには」という本を買っておいて、その本を読むという用事も済ませてないのかよ

(24:58)

Biggest lie. ... / Hi Rhod and Barry / Hello. / uh, Rosy, __, __, ... stop. ... nuh, __ ... thank you ... __ / You are like a dog whisperer. / 問題犬の訓練士 / Hi Rhod and Barry, / Hello. / When I was younger, my dad told me that the widget inside a well-known can of stout was actually a small animal that lived in a can. / __ widgets / ... says Ryan in Omagh. Um ... oh, / ... and when my dad was cooking, he'd only ... he' only ... __ __ when he was using only half a pepper ... / It's a sad image, innit? ... It's just a sad image you've conjured up there, Ryan, of your dad cooking only using half a pepper ... / I will just use half the pepper __ __ the other one for me __ __ dinner next week. ... / When my dad would cook, he was only using half the pepper, I asked why he only used half the pepper. / It's a perfect, reasonable question. / He said, "Because the other half is poisonous." ... I believed him for years. / どうしてピーマンを半分しか使わないの？ / もう半分は毒だからだよ / Rhod, a guy told me, in the war, his plane was shot in the fuel tank over Germany, he had to fly back upside down. / Why would that help? / What do you mean, "Why would that help?"? / Flying upside down. / Yeah, __ was ... / Oh, OK, so that the hole would be at the top. / Oh ... oh my word, Barry. / Sorry. / Get a ... get a grip. / Sorry. / Um ... people were talking about ... uh ... you know, we were talking about ... uh ... the ghost wearing trainers, / We were. / ... and you said that in ... uh ... Ben-Hur, there were people wearing digital watches / and then Lloyd Langford texted in and said, "In the Vikings, / Huh huh, / ... there's a ... picture of a car going up a hill in the background, / Yeah, / ... behind ... behind the Viking long ship. ... Somebody said, in episode 1 of The Flintstones, they use a record player. / I think that's different, David Collins in __, and you know it. Uh ... / They also have a car / __ __ __ also __ __ car, absolutely / although it's not a real car__ / although it's sort of modeled __ __ where did they get the design from? Eh? / __ __ like a ... like a rudimentary eco-friendly car, / Uh ... / ... isn't it? / Uh ... that's right. It is, yeah. / 『ベン・ハー』ではデジタル時計が登場 / 『原始家族フリントストーン』では原始人がレコードプレーヤーを使っていた/ それを言い出したら、あいつらは車にも乗ってたからな。 / まあ、本物の車ではないが。車に似た乗り物だがエンジンはない。原始時代だから。/ エコ・フレンドリー・カーのはしりだな / Uh, __ lying, right? / Huh huh, / __ __ talking about lying / people lying, as those lies there __ just examples, ... if you want to lie, do you know when's the best time for liars, apparently? / I __ __ / first thing in the morning. / No. ... Why is it first thing in the morning? / 'cause people are tired and not quite with it, so you could lie to them. ... __ __ easier / more __ to believe you. People are more gullible when they're tired. / Huh, it's a good guess. / Thank you. / It's not that. Have another guess. / Late at night. / When is the best time to lie, experts say? / When people are drunk. / No. ... Well, that would be a good one. / Uh ... when is the best time to lie? / Yeah. Quite interesting. / Uh ... well, I mean, I've gone with morning, I've gone with night, so ... lunch time. ... It's gotta be. / It doesn't have to be, mate. Just because you were wrong with morning and wrong with evening doesn't mean it's gotta be lunch time, is it? / Mid afternoon? / No. / Uh ... late morning. / No, it's ... / ... I'm run out of times / 選択肢がなくなったよ / Yeah, you've run out of times. ... If you wanna lie, do it when you need the toilet. / ... Oh. I didn't realize ... I thought you just wanted a time of day. / No. / What ... why would you ... / That's where you went wrong. / そこからして違ってた / Why ... when you ... you didn't help me. / だったら言ってくれよ / Why would you ... um ... why? / Apparently, when you need the toilet, / Yes? / ... it apparently improves your ability to tell a convincing lie. / What? / Yeah. Right? They got participants, some of them to drink a lot of water so they needed a wee, some of them not to drink a lot of water so they didn't need a wee, right? / Huh. / And then they either lied or told the truth to the interviewer, right? ... / then they got people to do a survey ... blah blah blah / experts / scientists to come in / notepads, / glasses / right? ... white coats, all that stuff ... __, not necessarily glasses ... just a stereotype from me ... uh ... white coats and (all that) stuff, ... um ... people with full bladders were more convincing liars than those who had not had much to drink. / I'm still trying to find out why. Hang on a minute. Uh ... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah ... um ... It doesn't say why ... huh, here it is. / There must be, like, an evolutionary reason for this. / California State University ... / Huh huh, / ... were investigating what they call the inhibitory spillover effect, which is, when our focus on one task facilitates the performance of another. The inhibitory spillover effect occurs when performance in one self-control task facilitates performance in another. So, by not going to the toilet and self-controlling it, apparently you are a better liar. / I don't know why. It doesn't really explain it properly. But apparently, if you want to lie about something, do it when you need the loo. Right? / I had to go for a medical once, __ and when I got there, and they said / __ I'm supposed to, um, drink __ loads of water ... um ... __ __ __ __ supposed to __ urine test, so / 尿検査 / just ... I've just / stopped somewhere / at a garage __ and already been __ __ and they were like, "No, you have to do a urine test __ __ __ I started __ __ drinking loads and loads of water, and then ... and then ... and when I went in to have the medical, and the doctor said to me, uh, / after, like, you know / doing the old hammer-on-the-knees / I know what __ reflex is / __ __ __ check __ __ __ / __ decide to break your legs / he went __ genuinely __ __, and he went to me, um, "OK, um ... uh ... time for urine test / And I went, "Oh, I told the woman on reception__ __ __ I can't go __ I have to drink loads __ water / and he went, "No, no. Hearing test" ... __ ... I was like that / ... "I have failed that, then". / ユーリン・テスト（尿検査）ではなくヒアリン・テスト（聴力検査）です。

If you are male and looking forward to indulging in an outdoor swim or two, / It says here, / Huh huh, / why not? Um ... it says / you may want to think twice / well, you're bound to think twice 'cause you've got two swims, aren't you? / 2 回泳ぐから、2 回そのことについて考えるよね / A piranha-like fish ... / Uh-oh. / Yeah. ... Oh my word. ... Oh, I wish I had read this in advance. / Oh no. Go on. / A piranha-like fish which enjoys biting and eating XXX ... / __ __ / ... may be heading to Britain. / I ... I don't ... You have to show me that. I wasn't ... / What / ... enjoys biting ...? / 何をかじるのを楽しむって？ / What's your most vulnerable bit as a man? / British Rail Trains / 人として一番もろいのはどこだ？/ イギリスの鉄道だな。あいつら、ちょっとしたことですぐ運休とか遅延とかしやがって。 / Good one. / Yeah? Pee pee, you know. Buzzz. / __ __ / __ __ ... So, this piranha ... / It goes for your privates? / It's ... well, let me just tell you what its nicknames are: The nut-cracker, ... / Oh dear. / Right? ... you don't need to read any more, do you? / その魚のニックネームをいくつか教えてやろう。１つは「玉割り魚」。... 他は言う必要ないな。/ Huh huh. / It's nicknamed the nut-cracker. It boasts a set of human-like teeth which can easily rip off a ... XXX XXX / What I would say is, if the water is cold__ ... I think there's less chance of it happening. / 水温が低ければアレが縮み上がって見つけづらくなるから、事故も起きにくいんじゃないかな。 / ... Yeah, but you could just get it in one bite. / そうかなあ。二口かかるところが一口で済むだけの話じゃないか。 / ... there is less chance it might miss them __ it might just swim straight past. ... "Nothing here for me." / ... Just for the listeners, / ラジオをお聴きの皆さんにわかるように説明しますと、今ロッドがやっているのは ... / he actually did ... he did an impression of a fish looking __ in two different directions / I did an impression of a fish, / Yeah / swimming past, looking from side to side, "Nothing here for me." / Hhhh, that was a close one. / ... uh ... yeah, that is __ it might help you ... Uh ... / It's normaly found in South America / says, / this fish, the nut-cracker, / ... but it is recently being seen in parts of America, Denmark, and even the Seine River in Paris. It's on its way. / Do you reckon ... / It's coming over here. / Sounds like it. Do you reckon it's related to those ... the fish that ... uh ... bite dead skin off your feet? / ... Could be. / yeah, __ the ones you can get in a ... in a / one of those foot spas / Yeah. / __ get fish coming and nibbling / I've never tried that. / Nuh? / I've never tried that ... I don't ... I ... It seems wrong to me. / ... Yeah. Um ... __ unethical? / Well, I don't know about it. ... It just feels a bit wrong to have ... / ... fish nibbling your feet? / ... just be keeping ... / dead skin / in a ... / Yeah, / ... in a bowl __ __ __ and have him nibbling your feet, you know / __, __, ... I'll never have it done __ __ __ / it's like keeping dogs chained up __ and getting them to cut your hair __ __ / __ __ __ / Imagine if ... uh ... in your hair .... next time you went to your hairdresser's, / Yeah, / ... he went, "Huh. We've got this monkey and he'll do it. / And __ there is a chained-up monkey in the corner, and he ... over he comes and just cuts / he cuts your hair for you / kept __ __ what he does / A hundred percent I would have that (dog) / You would have that done? / Of course. / Isn't that cruel? / if you were offered ... yeah, but if ... well, how do you know it's cruel? / you didn't say it's a distressed monkey / of course __ __ distressed. He is kept in a hairdresser's. / If he's there with a big smile and a pair of clippers in his hands __ ... I'm going for it. / Your mother is the person to ask, __ __? She's the monkey ethic__ controller. / Yeah. / Get your mother on the phone. Let's see what she would make of a monkey in a barber's. ... uh ... __ that was ... that his job, like it or not, was just to cut people's hair. ... Well, that's what those fish have got no choice of, have they? / そう、人間の足の古い皮膚をかじる魚は、まさにそれだ。選択の余地なく働かされているんだ。 / she definitely won't like it. She didn't even like one dressed up as a boxer. / Exactly. / Yeah. / __ __ __ ... Um ... it says here, / there are fears that / the fears of __ __ will be__ released by pranksters or aquarium owners ... / I don't know why they'd do it / ... into reservoirs, lakes, ponds, rivers and lagoons in the UK. So, big ... if this happens, men cooling off with a dip this summer, outdoor swimming, could see their relaxing swim turn into a horrifying ... Uhggg. ... Unlike piranha, which famously strip the flesh of anything they can sink their teeth into, these fish are known for cracking seeds and nuts that drop off overhead trees into the water with their powerful jaws. / ... Um ... / ... Sorry? Pranksters? Uh ... uh ... it's ... it's hardly ... hardly a prank, is it? ... if you release a ... a fish that's gonna bite your crown jewels off. That's not a prank. / 男のアレを噛みちぎる魚を放流することを「イタズラ」と呼んでいいのか / It ... I've got an idea, Barry. Why don't we go down to __ __ __ / We could either play Knock Down Ginger ... / __ ... we ... we could play knock down ginger, or bobby knocking, as we used to call it, / Yeah, / ... or, we can get these testicle-eating piranhas, release them into the ... release them into that lake and watch from behind this bush. / 何して遊ぼうか？ 人ん家のドアをノックして逃げる？ それとも、XXX をかじりとる魚を放して、茂みから様子を眺める？ / Here's an idea. We can either call the operator and say, "Is that the operator? Get off because there is a train is coming, or ... / 電話交換手をからかおうか。「もしもし、電話交換手ですか？」（そうに決まってる）「今、あなたに向かって電車が走ってきています。早く逃げてください。」（イタズラで救急車を呼ぶのは犯罪だが、電話交換手をおちょくるのは罪にはならない。電話交換手がいたころの子供たちの定番イタズラ） / or we can go down and ... and make sure that some people lose their ... their ability to ... to reproduce. / そうだ。今日は、ひとびとのせいしょくのうりょくをうばってみようか。 / Don't do it, kids. Any of those things ... / No. That's not a prank. / ... any and all of those things, kids, are very naughty.

If you enjoyed that, why don't you listen to the whole show? Rhod Gilbert live on Saturday mornings, BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

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